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Thank you October 16, 2007

Posted by larg in Social Degradation.
6 comments

I have to give a big fat thanks to a lot of people who commented, even though some signed off with mysterious aliases I probably have a good deal to know who you roughly are. After all my circle of friends is very small and the number of people who view this blog is probably lesser than the number of friends I can even make in my current class.

The first step is always hard I know but this social issue and this low self-confidence thing is really hindering me. I sometimes wonder how am I gonna cope with this future. Yesterday Irene talked to me and she surprised me with something.

Yes even as of now I’m very surprised and I have almost given up on the thought no one in class would ever want to establish communication with me. I am in the same class with at least 4 of her last semester friends and only 2 I have ever spoken to. One being an accidental conversation (lol) and the other was about work. Either way people I talk to in class either ever lasted more than a few minutes or it was about work and that’s it.

Real boring isn’t it? But anyway I think there’s too much sadness and self pity in this blog which wasn’t meant to be the highlight of it in the first place. But unfortunately nothing exciting ever happens in my life.

So sue me.

Another episode… October 12, 2007

Posted by larg in Life @ Republic, Social Degradation.
10 comments

This is just another one of those “self-pity” entries, I rather people ignore this post because it’s too sad and it’s too annoying. I have totally given up trying to communicate with w64a. In my entire 4 weeks so far, I only have spoken to only 3 people and yet we’re still far from the term ‘friends‘.

I don’t excel in looks, abilities and personality, which is probably a failed cause for trying to mingle in this class. Everyone has cliques already and have know each other quite well now, I’m just the impossible to approach loner whom nobody has bothered to talk to so far; well majority at least.

I can’t find my voice when I want to speak, socially I fail. Because of this handicap, I swore never to find a job dealing with PR situations, I also found about my weakness via my first job. So for now before the hurt gets deeper I decided to put a stop right now. I don’t know anyone, neither does anyone know me. Let it stay that way until Year 3 when we leave each other for good.

I can’t wait for this entire term to get over with, stat.

Serious thoughts October 6, 2007

Posted by larg in Java for the misfits, Life @ Republic, Rant season, Reviews, Social Degradation.
3 comments

Every month, week, day and even year, I complain about the same thing repeatedly. Guess it’s sort of a habit and a ritual. I believe this is the first time I gathered all categories into one entry.

w64a

Seriously speaking, w64a is an awesome class, everyone, facilitators and classmates included are great. The only problem lies with me. I have a sort of communication barrier with everyone. I have very negative thoughts and also kinda ’scared’ to talk to them. Because of my current social activity level, I basically think my class and grades have been affected on a significant scale. Not that I don’t want to do anything about it, but I just don’t want to.

In fact, while others can already label each other as friends, I only can merely refer everyone as ordinary classmates. Really a major ass my social life has always been since young…

Hey! Gorgeous

Today they came to my school today looking for what their show title goes by – hot hunks and cute/beautiful babes. But seriously, the real problem with this show is – the real deal goes into hiding, I mean seriously most of the people are either sabo-ed by their so-called friends, or just pretty much average looking. Most people are too shy about their assets and rarely would you see a hunk or a babe go “yeah, I am a babe/hunk”.

Singaporeans…always lacking that high confidence in one’s sexiness. Especially in this season, only a couple are notable to be real hunks and babes. But what can you do about it? Just make do with weeds when you can’t find premium plants.

Blogging

I noticed a drastic drop in standard of my blogging, sometimes I think it’s so bad, I still wonder why I blog. I blog mainly to have a release on my inner thoughts and feelings. Also I wouldn’t want to confine it to some paperback media given the technology we have these days. It’s also least likely to last till I’m old.

I don’t really care much about who views me, I’m just satisfied that the viewers and taggers are my real close friends. Of course one can use a blog to it’s full potential to gain publicity but that was not my purpose. Nowadays I noticed even as I can make authentic entries in my head, they somehow get summarized, boring and out of point when put here. Even now…

Xiaxue

I took a good read at her blog today, she’s one of Singapore’s most controversial blogger well because she usually blog abut things that are too controversial for Singapore’s norms. But however, like my friend stats, she does bring up very good points. It also makes me wonder if she excelled in English and at argumentative essays back in school. If her whole image fails one day she may consider taking up a lawyer’s job, I bet she’ll be excellent at it.

Yes, Xiaxue may be fake, a bit of a slut, fat and whatsoever nicknames girls may love to give one another. Personally I don’t really care much about personal attacks on her and whether to find out if they are really true. I just bother more about the things she writes about. Very insignificant yet very true, I recommend people to read the entry about “Cab Snatchers” to get what I mean. But otherwise, I think she’s a very straightforward person with too-strong a sense of justice, and also dares to reveal bits and details about herself regardless the situation.

Something I would like to be but always lacked the courage to be. Suddenly I also feel more brave to live and let go of certain things, and also to come clean with certain issues.

I can say proudly like one of the entries she written – I’ve been (or nearly, but it’s almost all the same) molested before.

I won’t go too much in details on that but yeah, we’re all wimpy people when it comes to issues like this. That is what makes Singaporeans too much of an easy target, don’t even need to be specifically molestation (either gender). My resolve to change is weak for now, so even as much as I hope to obtain those traits, I still cannot achieve it.

Socially Blah September 25, 2007

Posted by larg in Social Degradation.
5 comments

Already a week in my new class yet I have not known anyone yet, I can’t rely on Joanne and Fairuz forever, they need to expand their social lives too. It’s like bleh for me, everyone in this class already are comfortable with each other and are yakking away already but too me the “comfort” feeling barely goes away. I also haven’t got to know a single of Irene’s last semester classmates yet.

Yes it’s obvious I fail socially lol.

And also I have found out a certain faction mate and friend of mine in GE have found out about this blog. He was spouting information only elusive to this blog alone, and he claims to know a friend of mine who introduced the term ‘roy-bun‘ to him!

Omg, so who is this mystery caper? Obviously they’re not that stupid to reveal themselves hence they asked my faction mate, Sidney to keep a secret of their identity. I only have a couple of clues…

  1. It’s a girl.
  2. She’s studying in a Poly.
  3. Seriously, roy-bun is a term exclusive to a few friends in my tiny social life.

So in short, you’re not hard to crack down but I’ll be lazy and all…

Meh, I feel so lonely and jealous when I see my classmates engaged in cozy conversation I can never hope to join…